As noted all over this site, caring for an elderly parent can be challenging. But what happens when that’s only part of your caregiving responsibility? How do you deal with not only caring for a declining parent, but also caring for your own children? If that’s you, welcome to the “sandwich generation”.

Or maybe you’re taking care of a parent and still supporting and/or housing adult children; that puts you in the “club-sandwich generation”. And then there’s the “grand-sandwich” variation, where you’re caring for a parent and your grandchildren. But no matter the variety, you’re someone who’s under tremendous stress, with major demands on your time, attention, and resources. 

Defining the Sandwich Generation

Individuals in a sandwich generation can range from their late 30s to their 60’s, or even older. Many are employed outside the house, so they have work pressures as well. In fact, a significant number are in the prime of their careers, meaning the stakes are huge as they try to balance home, office, and caring for a parent. 

Psychological Stress and Emotional Strain

Being pulled in multiple directions while struggling to meet the diverse needs of young and old family members is almost guaranteed to take a toll. Feelings of stress, guilt, and being overwhelmed are common. The constant juggling act can result in burnout, anxiety, and even depression.

Challenges Facing Sandwich Generation Caregivers

Financial Strain: One of the most significant challenges sandwich generation folks face is the financial burden associated with caregiving responsibilities. Children and young adults require financial support for education, extracurricular activities, and basic needs, while aging parents may require assistance with medical expenses, long-term care, or housing accommodations. The dual financial strain can impact the caregiver’s financial stability, leading to increased debt, reduced savings, limited resources for future planning, and a delayed retirement. In an era where most families require two incomes just to make ends meet, there’s very little room to absorb added expenses. 

Time Management: Balancing caregiving duties alongside work and personal commitments requires meticulous time management skills. Sandwich generation caregivers often find themselves stretched thin, trying to allocate time for their children’s activities, parental caregiving, household responsibilities, and their own professional development. Even those who can afford to pay for a parent’s care will spend time scheduling and managing those helpers. The constant juggling act can leave little time for self-care or leisure activities, adding to stress and exhaustion.

Emotional Burden: Caring for both children and aging parents can take a toll on the caregiver’s emotional well-being. Watching your elderly parent decline mentally and physically while also nurturing the growth and development of your children can evoke complex emotions ranging from sadness and grief to frustration and resentment. Additionally, the fear of not being able to meet everyone’s needs, or feeling torn between competing priorities, can lead to guilt and fears of inadequacy.

There’s a Possible Family Benefit… 

While navigating the challenges of being in the sandwich generation is difficult, it can present an opportunity to bring your family closer together. Children who see you caring for their grandma or grandpa will naturally learn empathy, collaboration, and responsibility, traits you were already hoping to encourage in them (and certainly ones you hope they possess when you become elderly!). They may be inspired to help you provide care, which can strengthen bonds within your family. Moreover, there are few things better for an aging parent than time with a grandchild. It can’t help but give comfort to Nana or Papa to be surrounded by multiple generations of loved ones who are committed to their well-being. 

…But Let’s Get Real:  

A lot of families are at least a bit dysfunctional, and the demands of caregiving will not improve the situation. You and your siblings may disagree over caregiving responsibilities or financial decisions for your aging parent, leading to resentment and tension your children can’t help but notice. As much as you want your own kids to always be close, it won’t help that cause if they see you and their aunt constantly squabbling about who’s not doing enough for grandpa. And, as you spend more time and energy and emotion on your aging parent, it will likely affect things with your spouse. That can lead to greater disruption to your family life, and more less-than-ideal modeling for your own kids. 

So what can you do? Here are some Solutions and Strategies for Sandwich Generation Caregiving: 

Open Communication: Foster open and honest communication within the family to discuss caregiving responsibilities, financial concerns, and emotional needs. Establishing clear expectations and boundaries can help alleviate misunderstandings and conflicts. Review and analyze frequently as you go. 

Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support from friends, family members, community resources or professional psychological or geriatric support. Joining support groups for sandwich generation caregivers can provide a valuable outlet for sharing experiences, seeking advice, and finding emotional support from others who face similar challenges. And don’t forget to receive our newsletter and access our free caregiver support content here, and follow us on social platforms. Link to our Instagram and Facebook accounts. 

Delegate Responsibilities: Identify tasks that can be delegated to other family members, friends, or hired professionals to lighten your load. Whether it’s hiring a babysitter for childcare or enlisting the help of a home health aide for an elderly parent, outsourcing certain responsibilities can provide much-needed relief and support. 

Take Care of Yourself: Prioritize self-care and carve out time for activities that replenish your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining the resilience and stamina needed to fulfill your caregiving duties. See our post on Coping With Caregiver Stress.

Financial Planning: Consult with a financial advisor to develop a comprehensive financial plan that addresses the long-term costs associated with caregiving, retirement planning, and estate planning. Explore available resources and benefits, such as government assistance programs, employer-sponsored benefits, and tax deductions, to alleviate some of the financial burdens associated with caregiving. Here are some MPGO posts to check out: 

Can You Get Paid For Taking Care Of Your Elderly Parent?

Should You Pay Your Parent’s Caregivers In Cash Or Go Legit?

Navigating the challenges of the sandwich generation requires resilience, flexibility, and a willingness to seek support from others. By prioritizing open communication, self-care, and strategic planning, sandwich generation caregivers can effectively balance the care of their children and aging parents while also preserving their own well-being and family unity. 

Are you in sandwich generation? What’s been your experience, and what insights can you offer? Please tell us in the Comments below…