Anyone else had to bite their tongue when their elderly parent asks the same question three times in a minute? Or offers the same observation over and over and over again? You know they’re not doing it intentionally, and you know it’s not their fault, but it sure can try your patience as you do your best to care for them.   

And, of course, there’s really no way to know how well your elderly parent is comprehending what you’re saying back. Bottom line, communicating with a dementia sufferer is tough. But you can increase the effectiveness of your communication with mom or dad by following these ten Golden Rules:

1. Use simple language: Keep sentences short and straightforward. Avoid complex words or lengthy explanations. Help your parent feel safe.

2. Speak slowly and clearly: Give your parent time to process what you’re saying. Use a calm and reassuring tone of voice.

3. Maintain eye contact: This helps to establish a connection and shows that you are actively engaged.

4. Be respectful and patient: Continue to treat mom or dad with dignity and respect. Allow them time to respond, and resist the urge to rush or interrupt them.

5. Avoid arguing or correcting: If your parent says something that is not accurate or seems confused, try to validate their feelings instead of correcting them. Redirect the conversation to a more positive or neutral topic if necessary. Avoid negative statements.

6. Use non-verbal cues: Gestures, facial expressions, and touch can help convey your message and show empathy.

7. Focus on feelings: Emotions often remain intact even as memory and cognitive abilities decline. Show empathy and validate their feelings, even if you can’t fully understand their perspective.

8. Be patient with repetition: People with dementia may repeat questions or stories. Respond calmly each time, even if you’ve answered the same question before.

9. Create a supportive environment: Minimize distractions and noise. Choose a quiet and comfortable setting for conversations.

10. Encourage participation: Involve your elderly parent in conversations and decisions whenever possible, empowering them to maintain a sense of control and dignity.

Remember, every person with dementia is unique, so it’s essential to adapt your communication style to their individual needs and preferences. Flexibility, patience, empathy, and understanding are key to successful communication.